Why am I the way I am?

There are days I wonder and then there are the days it all makes so much sense. Like perfect, last-piece-of-the-puzzle-clicked-into-place kind of sense. I love a little bit of both of these and here are some reasons why.

Let’s begin with the days where you can come up with no logical answers as to how or why you ended up where you are surrounded with the life you have. Maybe you have had one of those days—where you don’t feel worthy of the job you have, the children you have procreated, or you have surprised yourself by the number of tasks you have been able to (or not) complete by the day’s end. I love ending these days by asking myself what I have done (intentionally or otherwise) to have led me to these spaces in time…

In contrast to those days, I have days where glimpses of my childhood sneak out of the memory bank and into my mental camera reel. I am able to watch a short film of my family in action, and I nod my head with a little better understanding of how I got to where I am. I see my sister and I home alone for hours on end because both of our parents were gone working multiple jobs to ensure we never did without. It then becomes easier to understand where my work ethic originated. I don’t use work as an escape from reality as much as I thrive on providing for the family I so deeply cherish and adore. (Thanks, Mom and Dad.)

When I find myself cracking jokes and lightening the mood in a room, perhaps is my Enneagram 9 taking hold and aiding me in keeping everyone in the room a bit more comfortable?? When I ask others if they want to go on a long walk or grab a coffee, is that my Love Language of quality time rearing its head?

I can’t know all of these things for certain, but what I can know is that by being curious about what makes me, me and by asking and finding out what makes up the people I love, I can more intentionally show up in situations for others and I can also show up better for myself.

So, what makes you the way you are?